If Only
by T. N. Weston
Summary: A continuation of episode 3x22: To Live & Die in L.A., so obviously, spoilers for that episode. More than like this will only be a one shot.


_**DISCLAIMER**: No Infringement intended. I will never see a penny off of this piece, but I love these characters so much I simply have to write about them!_

_**A/N: **__I had to write this; for two reasons. One, It won't leave me alone so I can't write any on my own book until I get this short story down on paper, and two, I HATE how everyone lately has been making Josh out to be the bad guy. _

_I'm sorry, but Josh is a selfless, caring individual. I think he is truly in love with her. I don't want him with her, at all, but I think this is more along the lines of something that could actually happen on the show. However, whatever the actual writers of the show do will, in the end, be infinitely better than anything I could write._

_I am sorry for the long author's note. I promise, if I decide that I have to make this more than just a one shot I will not drag on like this. Thanks for reading, and thank you in advance for your reviews._

_Always,_

_T.N. Weston_

* * *

><p>"Night, Kate," Richard Castle bid his farewell from the backseat of the cab he and Detective Kate Beckett had shared after leaving the airport.<p>

Kate leaned back in through the doorway for a moment, "Castle, I—"

Her emotions obviously frayed Rick simply waited for her to continue. He could see now was not the time to pull her pigtails, figuratively speaking.

"Good-night, _Rick_, and Thank you," Kate stated hoping her emphasis on his first name would silently convey her depth of gratitude.

"Always."

Kate smiled and swallowed hard against the lump in her throat as she closed the door of the cab and watched as it pulled away. In the darkness she couldn't see if Castle had turned around or not, but she waved anyway before gathering her bag and heading into the lobby of her apartment building.

Kate made her way through the lobby, and into the elevator. As the doors closed in front of her, Kate leaned heavily against the back wall and tried, futilely, to massage away the growing tension in her neck. As the elevator stopped she stood erect and picked up her duffle bag.

She made her way down the hallway and slipped the key into the lock gaining entry into her apartment. As the door opened she heard music softly playing. The mixed aroma of garlic and thyme made her mouth water.

"Josh?" Kate called out as she removed her shoes and dropped her duffle bag on her sofa.

Josh stepped out of the bathroom as he dried his hands. He laid the towel on the counter before pulling Kate into a warm embrace. After a few moments he leaned back and placed a tender kiss on her lips.

Kate responded by tensing in Josh's arms. Josh stepped back a bit. Keeping his hands on her shoulders, he lowered his head a bit to try to catch her gaze, but Kate looked past him.

"Hey, Baby, what's wrong?" Josh smoothed slow circles on her upper arms with his thumbs.

Kate stepped back, crossed her arms, and turned away from him, "I'm sorry."

"Katie," Josh breathed, "I love you. You can tell me anything."

Kate hung her head as she paced, "No, I can't. And that's the problem."

Josh simply stood, arms crossed, as he shot Kate an appraising glance, "Give me a chance?"

Kate chewed momentarily on her bottom lip, "Josh, I… I'm sorry. I lost a good friend this week, and I refuse to die with the regrets that he did."

Josh stood confused, but stayed silent; as he watched Kate slip her shoes back on and grab her purse. She opened the door before turning around, "Goodbye, Josh."

Kate left her building not twenty minutes after entering it. She took the elevator down to the garage got in her car and began to drive, not sure where she was going.

Thirty minutes later, she'd taken 'the scenic route', Kate Beckett wound up parked in front of The Old Haunt. She entered the bar, ordered a Heineken, found an empty table and slowly nursed her beer.

Kate took out Royce's letter and, for what had to be the hundredth time that day, re-read the last paragraph. Kate didn't know if she was ready to risk her heart, but the first time she read his letter she knew she couldn't string Josh along any longer.

"Kate?" Beckett heard a familiar voice call her name. She quickly folded Royce's letter and placed it in her jacket pocket.

"Hey, Castle," She greeted him with a tired smile.

"I thought you'd be home, winding down," Castle slid into the opposite side of the booth. His face showed both his concern for her, but also his happiness at seeing her.

"I broke up with Josh," Kate stated looking at her hands to avoid Castle's gaze.

"Really?" Rick tried hard to keep the excitement out of his voice as he spoke the one word question, but true concern colored his words again as he continued, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I… I don't want to die with the same regrets Royce did," Kate answered.

Castle simply regarded Kate thoughtfully as he took a long drink of his beer.

After a few silent moments Kate seemed to make a decision and drew a folded envelope out of her jacket pocket. She pushed it wordlessly across the table to Castle. He stared thoughtfully at it for a moment before looking to Kate.

"I want you to read it, Rick," Kate stated as she folded her hands together under the table.

Setting his beer down Castle drew the envelope towards himself. He looked once more to Kate for permission. When she nodded he removed the tattered letter and began reading. Castle's brow furrowed when he began to read the last paragraph. After finishing he re-read the last paragraph again, his expression became unreadable as he looked up.

"Kate?" Confusion filled the tone of his one word question.

Kate reached out, her hand palm up, silently asking for Rick's hand. He hesitated a moment, but slowly he brought his hand down over hers. She curled her fingers around his.

"I don't want to ask 'if only' anymore. I want to know," Kate closed her eyes as she spoke the last sentence.

Rick felt her shiver. He let go of her hand and slid out of the booth. Kate clenched her jaw and looked up, her eyes full of pain as she swallowed hard. He smiled softly as he seated himself next to Kate.

Kate's breathing quickened and she smiled brightly as Rick placed a soft kiss on her lips and answered, "So do I."


End file.
